Deck of Cards Horoscope

Preparation

Take a deck of cards (of which you can tell a top and bottom - if not, mark one edge so you can), discard every deuce - six, and jokers (using only 7's and above including aces). When dealt face up with the marked side on the top (from the dealers perspective) they can mean the opposite of what they'd mean if they were right-side up, and can modify or negate the meaning of cards nearby. These Upside-Down cards will be refered to as UD.

To Begin

Shuffle the deck. The person whose future is being told should cut the deck with their left hand (closest to their heart). While cut, remove the top card from the bottom pile and the bottom card from the top pile and set them aside.These are the surprise cards which may occur in the present or the future. Now deal the cards face down into three piles of ten cards each from dealers left to right, the piles will represent (starting left of dealer) the past, the present, and the future. (If the past pile is accurate, the rest will be. If not, reshuffle and start again). Of the three piles, the two similar will dominate (ex, two UD will dominate third card) for all five cards (with the later two being the bonus cards).

By Suit

Hearts: have a special connection to love and marriage. They can also refer to family, workplace and social relationships.
7: Serenity & Contentedness - UD means boredrom or weariness broght on by overconsumption (eating or other).
8: Thoughts or Dreams of Marriage: Thoughts or those of someone close to them. Or represent affections of someone that will someday be a part of the subjects life.
9: Wish Card: could refer to one of the subjects wishes, or one someone has for them. Can also represent good luck. UD can additionally mean a sadness or sorrow in a short duration.
10: Happiness or Success: Can cancel out negative effect of nearby cards. UD is a worry that passes quickly.
J: Symbolizes a Carefree Pleasure-Seeking Bachelor: UD a lover in the military, law enforcement, or a similar profession who harbors a grievance or carries a grudge.
Q: A Fair-Haired Woman: UD an unhappy relationship or love affair with this same woman.
K: A Fair-Haired Man who is Generous in Nature: UD is disappointing in some way.
A: Love Letter or Good News: UD means a visit from a friend.
Diamonds: Refer to relationship or financial matters.
7:Cynicism or Unfriendly Teasing: UD - Dishonesty or slander.
8: Love - UD unrequited (not returned in kind, unanswered) love.
9: Frustration or Barriers in Subjects Path: UD - Domestic discord or lovers' quarrels.
10: Traveling or Eviction: UD - Bad luck on a trip.
J: A Subordinate or Official of Some Kind Who Cannot Be Trusted: UD - a troublemaker.
Q: A Low-Class, Fair-Haired Woman who is Prone to Gossip: UD - a flirtatious and hostile woman.
K: An Older Man or Soldier in Uniform - UD a schemer.
A: Good News of Some Kind: UD - Bad news.
Clubs: are the luckiest cards of all. They can mean anything from material wealth to successful ventures to a happy home life.
7: Small Monetary Gains: UD Small money troubles.
8: Happiness results when love is returned in kind. UD - love and affection from someone who's far more trouble than they're worth.
9: Money Inherited Unexpectedly: UD - recipient of a small gift.
10: Luxury & Wealth: UD - a voyage over an ocean, either by ship or plane.
J: A Hardworking, Passionate, Intelligent and/or funny. UD - a flighty, fickle and irresponsible.
Q: Affectionate passonate and bears no ill will. UD - Same, but very jelous.
K: Honest and a good friend: UD - good intentions that do not achieve the desired results.
A: Letters or emails involving money, good luck or some other pleasing topic. UD - annoying letters, emails, or some other form of correspondence.
Spades:Refer to sickness, death, social and familial isolation, and all manner of worries and fears, big and small.
7: Runn of the mill worries or problems: UD - foolish ideas about existing relationships or ones the subject is trying to start.
8: Illness: UD - an engagement that is broken or a proposal that is turned down.
9: A Bad Omen possibly involving a failure or even death: UD - the death of a loved one.
10: Sadness or loss of some kind of freedom: UD - a trouble or sickness that will pass in due course.
J: A Student who lacks social graces and has poor manners: UD - a treacherous person who is scheming against the subject.
Q: A widow: UD - a women who dislikes the subject and looks for a way to get back at them.
K: A widower, a lawyer, or a widower who practices law. Makes a poor friend and a dangerous enemy. UD - a wish to do evil against others but lacking either the will or the ability.
A: Happiness: US - News of some event that brings great sadness.

Pairs

7's: could refer to the love of that subject and another person have for each other. If one or both UD - disloyalty, deceit or regret.

8's: unexpected developments, which may include passing infatuations or trivial pleasures. UD - Paying the price for foolishness.

9's: happiness and wealth, or possibly a change of address. UD - small problems.

10's: ubexpected good luck, perhapse relating to a change of occupation. If one is UD, good luck is not far off. If they are bothe UD be prepared to wait a while.

J's: Loss of personal property resulting from schemes, if both UD then its imminent, if only one is UD you have a little time to say goodbye to your stuff.

Q's: Secrets exposed following a confidential meeting between friends. One card UD a rivalry forms as a result, both UD bad behavior of the subject's does not go unpunished.

K's Cooperation, good behavior, and wise decissions in business affairs bring great rewards. The number of obstacles to be overcome is proportionate to the number UD.

A's: A coming together of some kind. If one or both UD, the goal of the union be it good or evil will not be realized.

Three of a Kind

7's: sadness brought on by sickness, loss of friends, or deep remorse. UD - a minor ailment, or an ubpleasant backlash following a period of great pleasure,

8's: love (the responsible kind) is in the air. UD - flirtation, dissipation and foolishness.

9's: prosperity, happiness, and good health. UD - bad judgement, resulting in temporary financial reversals.

10's: financial ruin ressulting from lawsuits. The amount of ruin is proportionate to how many of the 10's are UD.

J's: problems caused by aquaintances and friends possibly involving the smearing of the subjects reputation. UD - a physical conflict with a scoial inferior.

Q's: A pleasant visit, the visitor could be anyone from a lover to a stranger. If one or more UD ou will be the subect of gossip or scandal. If all 3 UD you could be involved in a physical altercation.

K's: a difficult problem faced head-on. The difficulty is proportionate to UD. If all 3 UD the problem will remain unsolved.

A's: personal troubles, perhapsed caused by a faithless lover, that are mitigated by the arrival of good news. The extent that the problems are the subjects fault are based on the number UD.

Four of a Kind

7's: Schemes and traps set by angry, jealous opponents. UD - small triumphs over weak enemies.

8's: a journey or a new position of responsibilit having periods of both success and failure. US - stability and tranquility.

9's: an unexpected development is coming. The amount of time that passes before the event takes place is proportionate to how many of the 9's are UD. If all 4 or UD don't hold your breath.

10's: Great wealth and success resulting from the task at hand. The number of obstacles between the subject and wealth and success is proportionate to how many of the 10's are UD.

J's: wild, noisy parties with plenty of food and drink. The more J's UD the less enjoyable the party.

Q's: a social gathering or occassion of some kind, how unhappy you are at the event depends on how many Q's are upside down. If all up you're having a blast.

K's: Honors, promotions, and special treatment. With every card that is UD, the goodies diminish in value but arrive more quickly.

A's: Watch out! The could represnt physical danger, financial collapse, relationship troubles, even jail time. The more UD the less serious the trouble.

Special Combinations

Several # Spades in a row: Financial setbacks, possibly even bankruptcy, depending on the number of cards.

5 & 8 of Spades: Jealousy resulting in offensive, hurtful behavior.

7, 8 & 9 of Diamonds: Gossip and innuendo that leads back to the subject.

7 of Diamonds: and Q of Diamonds - a big fight. Q of clubs - uncertainty in thought or deed. Q of hearts - good news.

7 of Spades: with J, Q or K exposes a false friend.

8 of Diamonds; & 8 of hearts - symbolizes difficult tasks or a new suit of clothes. & 8 of spades indicates sickness. & 8 of clubs refers to enduring love.

9 of Hearts: & K of hearts is good luck for lovers.

9 of Diamonds: & 9 of hearts - an inheritance is coming (or was if in the past pile). & 8 of hearts - a trip.

10 of Diamonds: & a 10 of hearts means a wedding in the near future. & 7 of spades - Delay. & 8 of clubs - a trip taken for reasons of love or romance.

10 of Clubs: followed by an Ace - lots of money. If this combination is in turn followed by an eight and a K, the subject will make or receive a proposition of marriage.

J, Q, K in a row:companionship, enjoyment, festive parties, and other good times.

J, Q, K & A all the same color indicates marriage. If the J is hearts or Q is spades, they are obstacles to overcome.

Q of Spades: with J of Spades - the subject should be wary of a hostile woman seeking to bring harm.

A of Diamonds: with a 10 of hearts - marriage.

A of Heart: & A of club signifies a union entered into for good purposes. Other combinations neutral.

Uncle John's 21st Edition Unsinkable Bathroom Reader, October 2008, p. 284-287, & 494-497.